Jude has been swimming in the lake for more than two months now. Yes, that means he has been swimming since May. We only had a few hot days in May, so you can imagine what the water temperature was like. It was cold. In case that point wasn’t clear. Still, my boy was full-on swimming in that freezing cold lake. He’s a little nuts-obviously. Since last summer, Jude has gotten even more comfortable in the water. It used to take him a few minutes to warm up to the idea of swimming, now he takes off his shoes at the beginning of the beach and runs, without pause, directly into the water. Sometimes Josh and I are able to keep up. And other times… well, not so much. Jude loves jumping over and kicking the waves. He likes it when Josh helps him practice swimming and loves to make sure I’m watching when he does it all by himself. Jude has also been doing a lot more playing on the beach than he has in years past. He doesn’t even necessarily need a pail and a shovel. Sometimes he just looks for Pokemon to battle and catch; sometimes he pretends to be a Pokemon. This afternoon he lied on his stomach and dug with his hands.

I’m thrilled that Josh is able to shuffle his work schedule around a bit to join us most times when we venture east to the lake. Jude loves having a proficient swimmer to play with in the water, and I love not having to submerge myself in the lake’s icy depths. And although I could barely stand the heat and humidity that Chicago experienced today, I’m also really grateful for all the family time this nice weather has afforded us. Winter-Stay away!

This morning we joined Josh and a group of artists from Rogers Park at the Common Cup for (second) breakfast/coffee. These people have opened their arms to our family-especially Jude. They engage him in conversation and take him on adventures all around the cafe. They’re kind and gentle and really nice to be around.

After (second) breakfast, Jude and I walked over to Lazarus Playlot. There we ran into a few of our neighborhood friends. Jude ran around playing “some sort of monster game” with his friend Milosh and played jump rope with his friend Flowera. I enjoyed a solid half hour of adult conversation with my friend Jona, and then Jude and I headed home for lunch.

At home we were joined by our friends Helen and Annabel. While the kids played, Helen and I got lunch ready, and when Josh came home, we threw on the finishing touches and sat down to eat. Once everyone was sufficiently fed, we all donned our swim suits and headed east to the lake…

…where we met up with Barb and her kiddos. Josh and Helen braved the not-as-cold-as-it-was-last-week-but-still-pretty-cool lake with the kids while Barb and I chatted on the beach. Jude LOVES swimming. The cold water doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He runs full on into the lake and just keeps going until only his head is above water. Today he showed me how he could swim by himself. It’s really amazing what that kid can do.

When we got home, we were greeted by a unexpected package at our door. Jude asked if it was for him, and I told him that it was unlikely, but yes, he could open it. He was so, so stoked when he got the package open and found a plush Wolverine doll inside-it had to be for him! He squealed with delight and announced, “I can sleep with this!” And after dinner, teeth brushing, and book reading, that’s exactly what he did.

Sleep tight, kiddo. We’ve got another jam-packed day in store for us tomorrow.

Maybe the key is to just take it one day at a time.

This morning, Jude and I headed to Lazarus Playlot for some outdoor fun. When we got there, I was annoyed to find that a certain little boy (maybe about 6 or 7 years old) was there. This kid has insisted that Jude is not a boy, but in fact a girl. Today he was content to tell the other kids that “She’s a boy. She just looks like a girl.”

Listen, I get it. My kid’s hair cut isn’t exactly “high and tight.” And beyond that, he’s a pretty kid. He has delicate features. I don’t fault kids for asking him if he’s a boy or a girl, but to insist that he is in fact the opposite sex pisses me off for the simple fact that it’s starting to bother him. Now when he introduces himself to new people, his spiel goes something like this:

“Hi! I’m Jude! I’m a Pokemon Trainer. I’m a boy, I just look like a girl.”

Come on parents. Take the time to be with your children and explain to them that everyone is different. We live in Chicago. In one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the COUNTRY. My son is not the first boy you’ve seen who has long-ish hair, and the little girl who was speaking Albanian is not the first person to speak another language in your vicinity. Your child should know better than to tease another child because of his or her looks or the language he or she speaks. Get involved soon, because if you don’t, more people than just me are going to think your kid’s an ass hole. And that’s about the nicest thing I can say about him at this moment.

On the table tonight were three very fun (if not hurried) events:

1. Dinner-homemade quesadillas (5-6pm)
2. Pumpkin carving/pumpkin seed roasting/popcorn popping (6-7pm)
3. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (7-7:30pm)

This was our first year carving a pumpkin with Jude. Up until this point it has seemed like a bit too much hassle to handle the carving and gutting and roasting with a child underfoot. The time timing was right this year-everyone had a blast.

Jude was excited to help Josh work the little carving knife. He was less excited to help me pull out the seeds and pumpkin innards. Actually, the kid started gagging while watching me clean out the pumpkin, so I sent him into the living room for a few minutes until the bulk of it was done. Once the pumpkin cavity was cleared out, he liked putting his arm inside, but as soon as he would remove his arm, he would rush off to the bathroom to wash his hands. My child is weird.

I cleaned, prepped, and roasted the pumpkin seeds while Josh and Jude finished carving the pumpkin. Jude drew the face, and Josh helped him cut out the eyes, nose, and mouth. Jude was thrilled when it was finished, and was even more excited to see it lit up with a tea candle.

Once our pumpkin was complete, Josh, Jude, and I sat down with our freshly roasted pumpkin seeds and some stove top-popped popcorn to watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Our friend Mike joined us a few minutes into the show, and we all squished onto our couch and enjoyed some classic Peanuts insults. (You blockhead!)

Well, Mama fell off the monthly letter writing wagon. I’m really and truly sorry for that. The letter I write you, the posts I publish… they’re my journal of your life. When I forget to write or put writing of because I’m tired, I do both of us a real disservice. In other words: I’ll try to do better.

Now! Where to begin? Five months have passed since I last wrote to you. You had just turned three and were gearing up for a visit from Grandma Rose and Great Grandpa from Pennsylvania and Grandpa Bill and Grandma Rhonda. Your third birthday party was a blast. It was so very hot that day.  On one of Papa’s many last-minute shopping trips, I asked him to pick up a bunch of water guns and water balloons. We never ended up being able to fill the water balloons, but the squirt guns were a hit! You (and me and Papa. Especially me.) ran around for a solid two hours, dousing everyone in sight and stopping only momentarily to refill your squirt gun.

We spent this summer swimming in the lake at Jarvis Beach and playing on the play structures at Touhy Park. You’re quite the fearless swimmer, Jude. It always takes you a few minutes to warm up and get comfortable in the lake, but once you do, there’s no holding you back. On land, well, you’ve mastered all but the monkey bars at all of the various playgrounds in our neighborhood (both old and new), and according to Papa, you’re getting really close to being able to cross those on your own as well. You’re slowly moving past the not wanting to share or take turns phase, and most days at the park are a joy.

In August we took a trip to Grandpa Bill and Grandma Rhonda’s house to celebrate your cousin Gavin’s birthday and to celebrate the then-impending arrival of your new cousin, Kayleigh. You had a great time playing with your aunts and uncles and your cousin and Aunt Kenzie’s boyfriend, Mike Sprinkle. Grandma Rhonda surprised you with a few warm-weather toys (a Slip ‘N Slide and another water sprinkler toy), and you had a blast playing with both. You amazed me during that trip by drawing your first distinguishable human faces (Papa, then Mama) on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. You amazed me even more when you rode your bike up and down the ramps at a local skate park in Galesburg. I nearly had a heart attack, but you had a blast!

Right around the same time as that trip, Papa got word that his ministry job was being eliminated, and so he and I made the decision to downsize our living quarters. The move went well, and you seem to have adjusted just fine. For awhile you would talk continuously about our “old” apartment and our “new” apartment, but that distinction has died nearly all the way down, and now you simply talk about “home” again.

We moved into our new home at the end of September. Since then, we’ve become regulars at Lazarus Playlot and you and I have both made a number of new friends. We still haul ourselves a mile north to Touhy Park at least once weekly, but we haven’t been able to get there daily like I had hoped we would be able to.

Recently, you saw your first live theatre production. You had a fabulous time and keep asking me to sing the songs from the play. I’m not sure when we’ll be able to go to another show, but we’ll try to make it in the not too distant future; you really had a wonderful time.

On Monday (yes, technically it was during your 42nd year of life, but really, who’s counting?) we attempted (again) to go to a pumpkin patch for some fun. Our friends Helen and Annabel went with us, and our friends Alan, Sara, and Grace drove on their own with the plan to meet us there. Sadly, we found out (when we were a mere 20 miles from our destination) that the farm was closed to the public on Mondays, and thus, we were screwed. In the end, we landed ourselves at the Brookfield Zoo and had a grand time riding the carousel and eating treats… oh yes, and looking at the animals. I’m sad that we didn’t get to experience the farm this Autumn, but next year we’ll plan for it better. Promise.

And now, Monkey, Halloween is upon us. You’re very, very excited about Trick or Treating for the first time and are eagerly anticipating all the candy you’re going to get. Papa and I can’t wait to see you all dressed up, knocking on door after door. I’ve said it before, but this is my favorite time of year, and I love spending it with you. I get such joy from watching you ride your bike through the fallen leaves and from taking walks with you around our neighborhood. You’re such a fantastic person, Jude. I consider myself very lucky to be your Mama and  I’m thrilled to be able to spend my days in your company.

Love,
Mama

Before we got there, Jude said he wanted a “baby pumpkin.” Fine by me. I figured he would get a small-ish one to paint and then we would pick out a larger, carve-able one. As soon as we got to the “patch” Jude was off! He ran up and down the aisles, stopping only to stand up the pumpkins that had fallen over. I suggested baby pumpkin after baby pumpkin, but none fit the bill. At some point he started telling me he wanted “sparkly” pumpkins, which I think refers to the pumpkins that have bumps on them.

So, we waited and watched. It’s pretty darn windy in the city today, and Jude kept stopping mid-stride to look at us, flap his arms, and yell, “I’m flying!!!” Finally, we told him he had to choose. We were cold, Josh had a meeting to get to and we still hadn’t eaten dinner. On a whim, I directed him over to the teeny, tiny, one-dollar pumpkins and asked if he wanted one of those? After about five seconds I got an answer: “Yes. This one.”

The owner of the pumpkin patch/stand looked like he was going to cry. He had stood outside in the cold wind for a solid 20 minutes only to make a $1 sale. I looked at him and quickly assured him we were going to pick out a larger, carving pumpkin as well.

Josh and Jude took another two minute to pick out our big pumpkin. We paid and left. On our walk back to the car (we were borrowing), Jude kept exclaiming, “I LOVE my pumpkin!” and that excitement is what made the cold, windy trip totally worth it.

The simplest of the ideas is just to update you all (?) on life in general. So… life= pretty good. Jude came down with a fever yesterday afternoon, so we’ve been hanging around the house, putting puzzles together and watching movies, since then. Josh’s business is up and running, and I encourage you to drop him a line (info@blackframemedia.com) if you’re in need of any web/graphic design work.

On Sunday, Josh, Jude, and I went to the Lifeline Theatre to see their production of Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type. The show was fantastic. We couldn’t have chosen a better performance for Jude’s first experience with live theater. Beyond the awesomeness of the actors and the singing, we got tickets for free. Like. Additionally, Betsy Lewin, the illustrator of Click, Clack, Moo, was at the theater signing books after the show! AND! The cast members made themselves available for a meet and greet, which for Jude meant getting their autographs (“Cow 1,” “Cow 2,” “Hen,” “Duck,” and “Farmer Brown”) and having a full-on conversation with the animals as to whether or not they would share their newly acquired electric blankets with him. (Verdict: Yes!)

Another topic I’m toying with writing a series of posts on is storage (and life!) solutions for living in small spaces. I am by no means an expert, but downsizing from a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo to a 1 bedroom apartment with no bike room or storage locker has taught me a fair amount on the subject. Also, there would be pictures.

Finally, I want to get back to consistently posting my weekly menu. This week’s menu looks much like last week’s, so really, you’re not missing anything by me having not posted it. Actually, that’s not entirely true. This week, I’m going to attempt to make my Great Aunt Joanie’s pierogies. I hoping they’ll be as fabulous as hers are.

Wish me luck.

One might say that Jude woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. The truth is that after a super long and busy day yesterday, the boy woke up much too early for his (and my) own good. I’m talking 6:15am, folks. And that was after an 8 o’clock bedtime. And barely a nap the day before. *sigh* Josh and I were super beat and were planning on capitalizing on Jude’s nap time today (read: family nap), but instead, Jude decided to crash while we drove (in a borrowed car) to JC Penny to exchange some gifts Josh’s mom recently sent. Family Nap = FAIL.

After we got home and ate lunch, we headed out with some friends to Lazarus Playlot. There, Jude suffered a handful of bumps and bruises; each resulted in much dramatic crying and whining. During dinner, Jude zoned out watching a couple of episodes of the Fantastic Four, but that didn’t stop him from resisting bedtime.

Whaddya say we just call this day done?

This morning, after a long, drawn-out breakfast of raw, keifer-soaked oatmeal, Jude and I walked a few blocks east and south to Lazarus Playlot. There we played with old and new friends, spun ’round and ’round on the tire swing, and jumped, Spiderman style, from very high platforms. Well, Jude did.

After a lunch of homemade pizza, we hopped on a red line train (forgoing a nap) and headed south to visit our friends Helen and Annabel* in Lincoln Park. From their house we walked to the Lincoln Park Zoo and rode the carousel. After that, we hopped on the 151 and traveled into downtown Chicago to pick up our friends’ CSA share. We played at Grant Park and had tea at Chipotle.

The train ride home was super packed. There were no empty seats, and my boy was tired. I picked him up and held him as I leaned waaay back and steadied us using one of the grip poles. No one offered us a seat, not even minutes later when Jude had fallen asleep leaving me to balance myself and his 40-pound/felt like 100-pound body. Eventually the train cleared a bit and I was able to sit down and just hold my sleeping boy. I even made it off the train and down half a flight of stairs at the station before he woke up.

Jude and I meandered home; alternating walking alongside one another and me carrying him. He ate dinner with his Papa and then Josh and I both ushered him off to an early-ish bedtime.

I sure do hope he sleep in tomorrow.

*Thank you so much for spending the afternoon with us, Helen. It’s always a joy to spend time with you and A.

I am a shitty, shitty parent when I am in pain. And, sadly, I’ve been a lot of pain as of late. Blerg.

You remember how I landed myself in the hospital earlier this year after (finally) having been diagnosed with two herniated discs? Well, I’m still hurting, and every day that I wake up and have to spend an hour in bed slowly moving from side to side and carefully stretching just so that I can move without seriously injuring myself again is a day that I start in a pissed off frame of mind.

Being pissed off is not conducive to gentle, present, parenting or consensual living. It’s very hard to center yourself and find your breath when jesusmotherfuckingchrist your back hurts and bending elicits shooting pain down throughout your lower back and don’t even think about sitting because after a whole five minutes of that you’ll need to get up and move or just give in to the pain and go have a lie down.

My boy is sweet. He is gentle and generous and loving. He is also three years old, chock-full of energy, and not quite in total control of his appendages. Rationally, I know this. In the late hours of the night after Jude has gone to bed, I’m able to reflect on the day and see that, well, *I* was the one throwing the true tantrums during the day. And that if I, at 28 years old, cannot keep my cool and control my over-the-top emotions, there’s no way that my three year old son is going to be able to.

So tomorrow, if you can spare some good thoughts, please throw ‘em my way. I’d love to have a pain-free day so that I can reconnect with my little boy. He deserves so much more than I can give him even on a good day; I’m sure he would welcome a happy mama instead of the grumpy one he has been dealing with lately.